Emotional Intelligence Provides an Edge
By Irene Leonard, Lawyer Coach Tweet
Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not easy. — Aristotle
While lawyers routinely engage in anger and related emotions — frustration, disagreement, outrage, contempt, dislike and hostility — and often inappropriately, and they use emotions like fear to motivate, many lawyers avoid sad emotions such as grief, sorrow, disappointment, suffering or regret. These same lawyers express discomfort in talking about feelings with their clients.
Lawyers who believe this are missing out on the important benefits that come from having a developed emotional intelligence (EI). They are not giving themselves the additional edge and advantage that comes with a high Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ). To develop your EI and rise to Aristotle's challenge, you need to know how you use emotions and how they run you.
Daniel Goleman's ground-breaking book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, popularized the concept of EI so much so that many are saying what Goleman advanced: that a high EQ is a much more important indicator of a person's professional success than merely a high Intelligence Quotient (IQ).
EQ is a measurement of emotional intelligence: the ability, capacity or skill to perceive, assess and manage the emotions of one's self, others and groups. Emotional intelligence includes the ability to empathize and work with others, and manage while under stress. It is said, "IQ gets you through school, but EQ gets you through life."
Consider the qualities you look for when hiring. You want someone with initiative, good communication skills, self-confidence, and the ability to be a team player, who is good with clients and cooperative — all skills that are characteristic of a high EQ.
Components if EI
You can learn to increase your EQ by working on the following emotional intelligence components:
- Self-Awareness: Recognize and understand your emotions in the moment.
- Self-Management: Use awareness of emotions to manage your response to different situations and people.
- Social Awareness: Understand the perspectives of other people, including their motivations, emotions and the meaning of what they do and say.
- Relationship Management: Use awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage relationships more successfully.
Why Increase Your EI?
The practice of law is not just dealing with the intellectual concepts of law, but includes how the law impacts people, and that stirs up a huge range of emotions. Lawyers work with people continually — within their firms, with clients and with other parties. They constantly deal, persuade, talk and negotiate with people. Most of the time these people are under some kind of stress, be it emotional, financial or personal.
Goleman states that individuals with high EQs are better equipped to make use of their cognitive abilities. They are often chosen for advancement because they inspire people to action and make others feel more confident.
People with high IQs, but low EQs, are unable to relate to the people they work with and cannot handle stress constructively. Developing your EQ can lead to career advancement as well as better relationships.
A high level of emotional intelligence helps lawyers interact with their clients. It gives them the ability to sympathize, discern and detect. It allows them to read the people they are working with and to understand their concerns.
Lawyers with a developed emotional intelligence make better day-to-day decisions about everything from the best course of action for their clients to how to get new clients.
How To Improve Your EI
Goleman says there are four ways:
- Learn to recognize your own feelings by taking a step back from them. Observe an emotion and the reaction it produces within you. Practice identifying your emotions and their real causes. Anger, for example, may spring from frustration or self-doubt.
- Work on managing your feelings to avoid destructive communication. It's important to know which feelings are appropriate to express in a particular situation, and which are better kept private and dealt with later. Learn to control your emotions, not suppress them.
- Realize that communication involves a lot more than what is said. Empathy can be developed through listening carefully and observing people's body language and facial expressions.
- Deepen your connections with other people. Learn to empathize, to talk about your feelings, to listen patiently and to calm yourself down before discussing a problem.
A high EQ can bring happiness because it lets you focus on feelings as well as facts, whereas IQ is concerned solely with logic. A strong EQ helps you access the benefits of your IQ. It takes both to build a successful career, strong relationships and a fulfilling life.
Clients need you to listen to them, be empathetic and communicate clearly, and to understand their emotions and how those feelings are impacting their decision making. The lawyer who takes into account all factors, including emotions — theirs and their clients' — will be the lawyer with the more successful and rewarding practice.
Irene Leonard has been a professional business coach for lawyers and other professionals for over 11 years, after practicing law for 18 years. She can be reached at 360-922-0944 or through her website, www.CoachingForChange.com. © 2009 Irene Leonard
The article was published in the August 2009 Bar Bulletin